Deschooling Ourselves and Unschooling Life
As an empowerment leader and holistic mentor, learning self trust is a large part of the gifts I bring to people.
As a home educating mama who sort of fell into the unschooling philosophy style I have learned more deeply how valuable it is for the next generation to develop this self-trust and self-belief at an early age.
Within home educating circles there is so much confusion as to how to start and what to teach children. Especially when children have already been in the school system, surrounded by people who lived and grew up with a schooled mindset.
Questions like:
What do I teach my (insert whatever age) year old?
How do they learn without a tutor?
I don’t have a degree, how can I teach?
And many more, are asked every day.
As a long time unschooler I always suggest taking a step back from putting pressure on yourself to 'teach'.
The first step is always to relax! Deschool yourself first and allow your wee ones to explore what interests them. Even if that feels like its uneducational to you. That's what deschooling our own selves is about.
I'm yet to find anything in life that doesn't offer something educational, and I've been around home education and unschooling for 30 years. It takes a big step back from our own beliefs, most of which came from school and a conditioned society at large.
You can absolutely allow them to play all day, focus on your own interests, employment or life while they do, and relax and enjoy that as much as possible. Learning how to play yourself with your own life and then engage them in something 'educational' when you're not having to focus on your own stuff.
Taking this kind of view frees you up for greater connection opportunity, and allows your children to grow into their fullest potential and see all learning as a fun, joyful experience.
Little ones learn best through play. There's an argument too among psychology experts that adults even learn new things better through play. Research some on this and relax more while deschooling more. I'm still caught up occasionally by thing I need to shed conditioning and school mentality on. Fortunately the younger our offspring are when they're out of the system the easier it is for them to live a mentally free life.
So ask yourself: what does your 4 year old want to be doing?
At 4 none of mine would have wanted to be sat at a table. They'd all have wanted to be down, playing. Even in school at 4 they'd be 95% playing in school, not at desks. It's an outdated EY teacher who'd have them doing that right up to age 6 now, play is seen to be more important than sitting at desks, although lots of schools are slow to catch up on that.
So let the younger ones especially down from the table to just play. Obviously in the room you're in if that feels safer, but let them just play. They've got years ahead where they'll be sat at desks and tables doing boring work things. Let them play while they're small and learn from their openness to exploring the world through play. They could teach you more than anything you've learned so far through life.
If your child seems to want to play games all day, have you tried actually playing on the with them? If not I do highly recommend releasing any notion that it's not educational, and feel into the absolute joy and pleasure he experiences when gaming. Have fun with him!
Even if there is zero educational value to it, what is wrong with just playing and having fun in life? It's an absolute myth and lie that life has to be about working and that there is no value or future for someone who 'only wants to game' at 9 years old.
I don't think this is down to unschooling at all. Literally hundreds of young people leave school every year in the exact same situation, and with worse self esteem and mental health to boot.
It's not the philosophy of unschooling that's at fault, nor is it learning in a school environment. It boils down to a disconnection between the young people and whoever is facilitating their education.
The thing is though that unschooling should help us realise that the schooled way of doing things is not the only way.
Why does she need to do exams now at this age?
Why can't she do them in 2, 3, 5, 10 years?
Are there really no other ways to get on further courses? (Spoiler alert, there's always other ways!)
Does she really know at this age what she wants to do for the next 50-60 years of her life?
Even if she fails all her exams this year, is her road to what she wants to do closed forever?
It feels here like she is one of the literally hundreds if not thousands of young people who actually don't do well in exam conditions. Every year young people do spectacular in mocks or study papers, and then fail the sat down exam, because those conditions are in fact very bad conditions to test knowledge and skills etc!
Potentially then you're more concerned about her disappointment or upset about not doing well rather than remembering all that unschooling and deschooling should teach us, basically that learning happens best through enjoyment, fun and interest, and that failing an exam means nothing about someone's intelligence or future career potential.
The age of 15, 16, 17 even 18 is ridiculously young to make life choices that will set someone up for over half a century of life. It's a ridiculous amount of unnecessary pressure put on to thousands of young people, millions worldwide wide every year. They'd do much better truly learning who they are during this huge years of development and entering further education in their 20s. Life isn't a failure just because exams don't suit many!
To support families and individuals alike I am launching and sharing Unschooling Life a new series of content to lead anyone who feels called to a life free from a schooled mentality.
Learn more about Unschooling Life below.